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music: Grey's Anatomy reruns
mood: 
happy
1) That crocheting is really fun.
2) That Goodwill is an amazing store! (I bought a dress that has flamingos on it today! For $5!!)
3) That yoga is amazing!
And if I wasn't so tired I would probably have more.
My Halloween costume is going to be fab.
I crocheted a leg warmer tonight. lol I will do another one tomorrow.
80s is back.
Heck yes.
Toodles
Sam on 10.27.06 @ 12:28 AM MST [link]
music: Jars of Clay - "Portrait of an Apology"
mood: relaxed
I love being home.
Today was really relaxing ... I worked on a lot on my scarf, did some homework, hung out with the fam, and just had an all around good day. I love being home. I love being able to relax. That massage put me in a completely different frame of mind than I have been in lately ... it was an incredibly thing.
Brandon comes home from his 4wheeling trip tomorrow. I am excited to see him and spend time with him!
I think I need glasses. In fact, I'm 99% sure I need them. lol Not sure if I'm going to be able to get my eyes checked this time or if I'll have to wait till Thanksgiving, but it's definitely going to happen. They've really been strained a lot lately and I've been getting headaches more frequently. And I can't read things that are far away. lol I get the nearsightedness from my mama, lol, but that is okay.
Sar had her birthday party yesterday/last night. I got home and there were 8 kids at my house. lol I wanted to cry, but it turned out okay. lol Kinda glad it was yesterday and not today though because it meant I could be lazy and not stressed out today. Twas good news indeed!
Don't really have any plans for the rest of my time in Medford ... other than seeing about getting my eyes checked and going to the high school ... will probalby do it Monday. Other than that, I have more homework to do and I need to buy more yarn to finish my scarf.
I heart fall break!
Sam on 10.22.06 @ 12:07 AM MST [link]
music: Cherrie Call -- "Where Faith Lives"
mood: still totally relaxed
Honestly, there is nothing like having an hour long deep tissue massage to put things back in focus. I woke up this morning feeling totally revitalized from my 8 hours of sleep, something that hasn't happened in I don't even know how long!
This whole graduation mess will sort itself out.
Where Faith Lives
Cherie Call
It doesn't live at the end of a rainbow,
It doesn't sleep at the edge of your bed
And sometimes it doesn't fit so well
With the plans you're making in your head
But just before you reach the service station,
Right before the car runs out of gas
In the eye of the tornado
With all the strong winds blowing past
That's where faith lives
That's where fear tries to go
That's where everybody guesses
And you're the one who knows
And it may take the most that you can give
To find the place where faith lives
It lives in the fiery furnace, and it lives in the lion's den
And sometimes in the wilderness where it lives and dies and lives again
It lives where the doors fly open, it lives where the sun comes out
It lives in the window where you throw away all your doubts
Chorus
You can't find it any easy way
Because it's all about the things that you can't see
But all the same it's right before you
Every time you get down on your knees
Chorus
Sam on 10.20.06 @ 09:39 AM MST [link]
mood: refreshed and totally relaxed
Copied from the email I sent Hollie.
I went and got a massage tonight (Brandon got me a gift certificate to the day spa here in town) and I'm completely clear headed (which is a HUGE step given the fact that I was nearing a mental breakdown about 4 hours ago.. lol) and you know? I think I might take a year and a half off ... apply to grad school for fall 2008 instead. I mean heck, I'm only 20 years old. I graduated high school a year early. I'm graduating college a semester early. The way I see it is that I'm a year and a half ahead and if I wait a year and a half to go to grad school, it is not the end of me. I've always been so eager to succeed and get on with life. But there are so many things I want to do and if I'm in such a hurry to get on with life, I might miss what life is really about. And one thing I do know for sure is that I do not want to miss the opportunity to live my life and do everything I want to do.
So we will see.
Tomorrow I'll probably be back to crazy, what the heck am I going to do, mode ... but for right now, I will just revel in the moment.
Sam on 10.19.06 @ 10:14 PM MST [link]
music: Death Cab for Cutie -- "Passenger Seat"
mood: 
Graduation Countdown: 59 days.
Shouldn't I, 59 days before graduation, be relatively sure what I am going to do afterwards? Like, shouldn't I at least have a plan and maybe even a back up plan in case that falls through?
Here's what I have so far:
Absolutely nothing.
BYU doesn't have a liscening program. So if I go there, it is for a MA in English.
Westminster doesn't have a MA English program, so if I go there, it is for an MEd and a teaching liscence.
The Hallmark Institute of Photography doesn't have either, but man oh man I would love to go there!
The question is, what do I want to do with my life?
I thought I wanted to teach.
And I do still.
But the more time I work in elementary schools, the more I wish I HAD actually switched to elementary education sophomore year when I got back from Hawaii. Ideally, I would've majored in English and elementary education. Or elementary edu and minord in English.
I wish I could RW to senior year in high school and make my decisions over again. Or at least to a time when it would be feasible to make those decisions again.
Why the heck does college have to cost so much?! 
If I could, I would just go to school forever ... just change schools every few years so I could learn new perspectives. Every couple years, I'd go to a foreign institution. Just think about it! You would never run out of things to learn about! Even if you took a similiar course at a different uni, you would still learn loads of new things! Perspective is everything when it comes to uni courses. I would love to just go to classes and not have to do the extra bs homework. Just read and go to class and discuss and be lectured on things that are interesting.
But instead I have to go into the real world.
Because that is what people at my age do.
Heck, I'm only 20.
I'm not even that old.
I'm not even old at all!
20 is still the age of a kid. An older kid, but a kid nonetheless. And at 20, I am expected to know what I am going to do with my life because that is what a BA degree means. A college degree somehow signifies that you know what you want to do with the next 60 years of your life.
laksdkfjasf;ljdklads;kfasf;lj
Cue panic now.
I can't wait for 6:00 when my back, neck and shoulders will be under the mercy of a deep tissue massage.
Heaven will be opening its gates to me this evening.
Sam on 10.19.06 @ 04:38 PM MST [link]
music: Dixie Chicks -- "Home"
mood: 
I'm sleepy, but not tired.
Awake, but hazy.
It's weird.
Things are good. I am happy.
Institute was good tonight. Brittain taught a fab lesson on section 20.
My mom sent me a couple really good emails today. They were forwards, but that is okay. My mom doesn't really write letters much.
I received a really wonderful letter last Thursday. It was good for my heart.
Haven't been able to get ahold of anyone in Eugene, so I might end up just going home on Friday. I'll try again tomorrow and if I can't get ahold of anyone, I am going to call Amanda and see what she is up to. Because it has been forever and a half since we've hung out/talked even! So it would be really good to catch up with her. However, I don't recall seeing Robby this summer (someone correct me if I'm wrong), so that means I haven't seen him in over a year now. So we will see what happens. If nothing else, I will just go home and hang out with my family for the weekend ... Brandon will be gone until Sunday, so I will have lots of free time if anyone else is in town this weekend. I'm looking forward to seeing Kevin's parents, that is for sure! I just want to spend a few hours with them catching up ... there is so much to tell and so much to talk about!!
Tomorrow I am going to Urban Bliss to cash in $65 of my gift certificate on a 60 minute deep tissue massage. I am SUPER excited! Have I mentioned in this post that I love my boyfriend? lol
Okay, that is all.
Goodnight.
Sam on 10.18.06 @ 10:14 PM MST [link]
music: Snow Patrol -- "When It's All Over, We Still Have to Clear Up"
mood: :-P super blah
That seems appropriate as I've used that same line twice tonight ... in completely separate conversations.
I wanted to clarify something ... about my last post ...
just in case someone didn't like what I had to say.
Well, not even that ... more because I don't want anyone thinking I believe something I don't.
Sometimes friendships and relationships really don't work out because the other person isn't being very nice ... but more often than not no one intends to hurt you and you are hurt because of miscommunications or unmet expectations (most of which haven't been communicated to the other person), etc. Most of the time, people aren't actually out to hurt you or use you or abuse you ... it is ignorant and slightly self-centered to think that is the case.
I don't know ... maybe it's the Nyquil talking.
Man I feel sick. :-P
Bedtime.
Sam on 10.16.06 @ 10:26 PM MST [link]
music: Chasing Down Riley -- "Doodle"
mood: 
still ill ... but not dead
The music changed right as I switched boxes and I am far too lazy to go back and make it accurate ... not that it really matters, but whatever. lol That's not the real point of this post.
The real point is that I've been thinking about a few things quite a bit the last couple of days and when I'm sick, I seem to post on my website a lot ... this being no exception to the rule. However, I do have to leave in about 10 minutes to go tutor a 4th grade boy in Dayton for the first time -- it should be fun?
This day has been forever long.
I can't wait to sleep tonight.
Anyway, back to what I was originally wanting to post about ...
It's interesting to me how people become such huge crutches to other people -- and how people begin to blame everything that happens to them/every realization they have on one person (or a few different people) who is no longer a part of their lives. This is interesting to me because it's not something that is exclusive to others ... it's something I have done/still sometimes do and it's an oddity. Why can't we, as adults, take responsibility for what happens to us and what happens in our lives? There are some things that really aren't our fault, don't misunderstand me. But more often than not, what we experience and the feelings we experience are all aftershocks of an experience and thus, no longer the fault of that person. Does that make sense? I guess what I'm trying to say that if a person is no longer a part of your life and hasn't been for quite some time, chances are, you should just let go. There is a perfectly good reason for the ending of relationships and believe me, I am the queen of holding on. Letting go is not on my resumé under "skills", but really, isn't there a time when it makes sense to just let go? To grow up? To stop blaming others for our insecurities? To stop thinking that just because things don't work out the way we wanted to, the other person/people involved must be awful?
Just because a friendship or relationship ends does not mean that the other person is a bad person. Nor does it mean that the other person is crazy. Nor does it mean that the other person never cared about you or any of those things we often say. It simply means that it wasn't meant to work out and though it is horrible and unfortunate and sometimes heartbreaking, it's not the end of the world. Other friends will come along, other boyfriends and girlfriends will come along.
Sometimes things just aren't meant to be.
And that has to be okay.
It has to be okay because otherwise what do we have?
Nothing.
The only two people we are guarunteed to have forever are God and ourselves. Others are a blessing and we should count them as such. Even if they were just a passing phase.
As I've grown up I've realized that not every friend you have is going to be a friend forever and it is not a bad thing to only be friends for a season. It doesn't mean that person never cared and it doesn't mean you aren't a worthwhile person, it just means that you've taken what you needed ... you've given what you needed to give ... you've learned what you need to learn ... and then it is time to let go and move on. It's a sad thing, yes. But it's not the end of the world. Friends come in all different shapes and sizes ... frienships last for various lengths of time -- sometimes they are short and sometimes they are forever. We shouldn't dwell on the length, but rather the depth. Quality not quantity, as my English teachers have always professed. Some of the most meaningful friendships I've had have lasted for a short period of time. Likewise, some of the most amazing people I know will be friends forever.
Not one of them is better than the other.
It's just how life goes.
It's just how the cards have been played.
And that's all there is to it.
God didn't make bad hearts.
That is something I believe with every ounce of me.
No más para ahora. ˇAdios mis amigos! Viva bien.
Sam on 10.16.06 @ 05:04 PM MST [link]
music: Edwin McCain -- "I Could Not Ask For More"
mood: getting sleepy
I Could Not Ask For More
Edwin McCain
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Chorus
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Chorus
I could not ask for more than the love you give me cause it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more
Sam on 10.15.06 @ 07:32 PM MST [link]
music: Kenny Chesney -- "There Goes My Life"
mood: 
sick face
Hi.
This weekend = amazing.
Even though I'm sick as a dog today ... it was still amazing.
Even though I didn't sleep well last night because I was so sick ... it was still amazing.
I can't even believe how wonderful this weekend was. I am so happy
Sick.
Tired.
And happy.
Brandon Charles Trask, I love you.
Sam on 10.15.06 @ 05:36 PM MST [link]
music: Pivetplex -- "You Know"
mood: chipper
One:
When there is no school on Friday, it is imperative that Thursday night adventures ensue.
Two:
Scattergories is more fun to play when you aren't actually playing. Because then you can sit around with the other people who aren't playing and yell out random words that start with a certain letter ... and be the judge of who gets points and who does not.
Three:
Slurpees are good, even when it is cold outside.
Four:
Crocheting is hard.
Five:
How to crochet a horse.
Six:
A good idea would be to cover every piece of furniture in my apartment with crocheted material.
Seven:
Even if you're tired, you should hang out with friends because friends are always better than sleep.
Eight:
Yemen is a place that will make you laugh.
Nine:
Anthrax is a good word to use in Scattergories. You will get points no matter what context you use it in.
Ten:
Days can always end well, even if they were slightly less than satisfactory the rest of the time.
I love friends.
The show ... and the real ones.
Sam on 10.13.06 @ 01:46 AM MST [link]
music: Sick Puppies -- "All the Same"
mood: 
happy
All the Same
Sick Puppies
I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly
I don't care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually
What you'll do
I don't mind
I don't care
As long as you're here
Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same
Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
And in between it always seems too long
All of a sudden
And I have the skill, yeah I have the will
To breathe you in while I can
However long you stay
Is all that I am
I don't mind
I don't care
As long as you're here
Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's always the same
Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
I's all the same
In my life
The compromise
I close my eyes
It's all the same
Go ahead say it you're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same
Sam on 10.12.06 @ 09:48 AM MST [link]
music: "All Creatures of our God and King"
mood: blessed
Tons of photos were added within the last couple weeks and more are forthcoming. And the QOTD is updated.
In other news, I've been doing a lot of thinking ... and here's what I've come up with.
In the last week, I have seen an engagement crumble because of unfaithfulness that has caused a pregnancy with the other woman. I know both women.
I have seen a woman relapse on meth and ending up in prison, leaving beautiful two-month old twin girls without a home. However, that woman was responsible and signed custody over to two amazing women who have opened their hearts and their home to these children, making sure that they are loved and cared for as much as possible. They are willing to give these girls a home for as long as necessary, and that is amazing to me.
I have seen a church crumble and I have seen what that does to the people who attended it. Despite the instability of the church, they have shown tremendous faith and patience ... and that is amazing to me.
I have seen a woman stand before a group of people and admit her deepest fears and insecurities, trembling with fear of being looked down upon. And I have seen a tremendous outpouring of love shown to her.
I have seen a family return home after an unexpected three month stay in Redding, California that resulted in the death of a good man whose battle with lung cancer was nothing short of honorable. I have seen them grow together and step up to help get everything settled with his estate, his wife, and his belongings. They have done so willingly and with smiles on their tired faces.
I have seen a missionary continue to work, despite the loss of his grandfather whom he loved tremendously.
I have witnessed miracles in the lives of those around me. I have seen people exhibit faith in God and I have seen the strength they have felt because of it. It is so refreshing to see those things and to know that there is stability in this horribly unstable world. People get so wrapped up in so many things and with all these things happenings in the lives of those close to me ... it is hard to really focus on what is going on in my own life. And though there is quite a bit ... I know that I am so blessed and that is what keeps me going. Heavenly Father is our rock, Jesus Christ is our salvation. Those two facts are eternal truths and consequently, much peace is contained within. It is hard to watch people I love suffer ... it is hard to serve them in their times of need when I find myself in a whirrlewind of chaos as well. But no matter what, I can love them. And give them whatever I can that will help, even if it just a little bit. Life is hard sometimes, but the battles we face are meant to be overcome triumphantly ... and that is something I firmly believe in.
And that's all ... for now.
xo
"Be of good cheer, for I am with you."
Sam on 10.08.06 @ 11:36 PM MST [link]
music: Puddle of Mud -- "Blurry"
mood: 
tired
Not getting much sleep yesterday did not aid in my needing to study for my history exam tomorrow, that is for definite.
Umm, yeah. lol Definitely don't want to post anymore.
Adios
Sam on 10.03.06 @ 06:47 PM MST [link]