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Monday, June 26th

A hundred thousand words could not explain

music: The Fray -- "Unsaid"
mood: cool eh? content

This weekend has been amazing. smile Absolutely, fantastically, utterly, completely amazing.

I have added loads of photos (haven't done so in a couple weeks) and that should basically show you everything I've done outside of work, school and working out. lol I haven't written at all in my journal (that's also gone MIA... sad) since I got home from school nearly a month ago. But I have managed to capture the best parts of my summer in photographs. Surprise surprise. wink So anyway, check those out.

And I'm going to go read myself to sleep and sleep the night away next to the very cute puppy dog that is sleeping in my bed as I type.

G'night mis amigos. smile
<3
Sam on 06.26.06 @ 12:07 AM MST [link]

Thursday, June 22nd

i hate this.

music: The Fray -- "Over My Head"

Honestly (Write Me A List)
Rodney Atkins

He said,"Just think it over,and write me a list"
"So we can figure out what we both deserve"
She hardly could beieve it,that their love had come to this
Dividing an deciding his and hers
But she grabbed a paper napkin an asked the waitress for a pen
An one by one she wrote down what she wanted most from him

Honesty,sincerity,tenderness and trust
A little less time for the rest of the world
And more for the two of us
Kisses each mornin' I love you's at night
Just like it used to be
The way life was when you were in love with me

She reached across the table an placed it in his hand
An said,"You know this ain't easy for me"
As he thought about the new car the house an the land
An wondered what that bottom line would be
An a thousand other things that she's want him to leave behind
But he never dreamed he'd open up that napkin and find

Honesty,sincerity,tenderness and trust
A little less time for the rest of the world
And more for the two of us
Kisses each mornin' I love you's at night
Just like it used to be
The way life was when you were in love with me

Well,he fought back the tears as he looked in her eyes
An said,"Everything on that list in your hand"
Is hidden somewhere in your heart

Honestly,sincerity just like it used to be
The way life was when you were in love with me

Sam on 06.22.06 @ 10:16 PM MST [link]

Monday, June 19th

I haven't had time to post, but I do need to boast ... :D


I got diamonds on Friday. smile

I know, you're jealous.
As you probably should be. wink

<33
Sam on 06.19.06 @ 08:47 PM MST [link]

Friday, June 16th

Share all your secrets tonight.

music: silence
mood: crazy

Man, it sure is dark outside tonight. Weird. It was a beautiful day though, so that is good news. smile hopefully that means the weather will be good this weekend! Sam and Amanda are coming down tomorrow night. smile Yay! Ran into Spence at the gym tonight and spoke w/ him for a little while, which was cool. Good to see a Linfield face every now and again. smile Reminds me where my home is.

I really cannot wait for Kevin to come home ... that's my random thought for the day. I need him here so much. Just to talk to him and tell him everything and get his perspective.. my heart misses him.

My heart also misses Mariana and Assists. I hate every single one of those 6000 miles. 5 months is too long without their lovely and amazing selves.

I am really tired ... not entirely sure why I'm still up. Should've gone to bed straightaway when I got home, but instead I'm online. Go figure. A bit restless tonight anyway. razz

Since the beginning of May, I have read 4 1/2 (non school) books. Am about 2/3 of the way through the one I'm reading right now. smile This is good! I love to read and haven't gotten to do nearly enough of it lately!! So it's really nice and really refreshing to do! For school, I read a bunch too ... read all but three books straight through this term. smile That's pretty good since there were about 10 to read! smile

Anyway ... work in the AM. I better go to sleep so that I'm not dead tomorrow. By about 4:30 this afternoon, I was dying. lol It gets real boring when there is nothing to do. It's times like that that Mitz and I want to lay down behind the counter and sleep for a little while. Is there a job where you can be a professional napper? Because if there is, sign me up!! lol

Ok, bedtime. Or at least more reading time. <33
G'night.
Sam on 06.16.06 @ 01:07 AM MST [link]

Thursday, June 15th

Almost Friday!!

music: "The Test"
mood: cool eh? content

The sky is a BEAUTIFUL shade of blue today!! smile

Just thought I'd share my observation..
<3
Sam on 06.15.06 @ 05:46 PM MST [link]

Wednesday, June 14th

You wouldn't know a good thing if it bit you in the foot.

mood: sleepy tired

About to go to the gym ... but I realized that I haven't posted since Saturday when things weren't looking up.

Things are good.
Really good.

We talked.
We're still together.
We're determined to make this work ...
even if it means a little sacrifice on both our parts.

After all, "that's how it works when two people really love each other."

smile

Thanks for all the support you guys offered. <33
Sam on 06.14.06 @ 08:38 PM MST [link]

Sunday, June 11th

Finality at its best.

music: my heart as it hits the floor
mood: numb

He walked away without turning back tonight ...
and as he drove away, I felt the distance turn to something more than just physical space.
I'm not sure we can fix whatever went wrong.
I think it's really over this time.



What have I done?
Sam on 06.11.06 @ 03:30 AM MST [link]

Saturday, June 10th

I never wanted anything other than to be your everything.

music: Nickelback -- "Photograph"
mood: satisfied

If I could relive those days, I know the one thing that would never change.

I hope that things will work out.
Really, I do.


Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'
Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.
Sam on 06.10.06 @ 01:51 PM MST [link]


How much is too much?

mood: crying sad

I feel sick right now.
Physically sick to my stomach.

The end is coming ... I can feel it.
Maybe it is time to bow out gracefully before we both end up destroyed.

The way things are going is not working.

We are two very different people, I think.
Two people who thought we could make it work, but maybe we can't.

Maybe we're better off as friends ...
or maybe nothing at all.

My heart hurts.

I keep thinking that we both deserve better and that the only way to find better is to let go of what's holding us back.

But then I think that he is the best and that this love we have is the best love either of us will ever find ... and that letting go would mean that we would never be able to retrieve it. Because let's face it, if we let go this time, we will never have it again.

The thought makes me want to vomit.

All I wanted to do was go to the lake with him today ... more than anything in the world, that's what I wanted to do.

Instead, we ended up fighting for over an hour.
Not to mention it's too cold to go.
But if he had actually wanted to go, I still would have.

Instead, I just felt like I was keeping him from doing what he really wanted to do.

I don't know when I'll see him next. It doesn't look like we'll be spending our weekends together after all ... what we want to do on our time off from work doesn't collide at all. And given the fact that we both only have two days off every week, it's not like there's a lot of room for doing what both parties want to do.

Maybe we're too different to make this work.
Maybe we didn't change at all.
Maybe we're exactly the same as we were before ... just older.

I don't know.
My heart hurts. sad
Sam on 06.10.06 @ 12:23 PM MST [link]

Thursday, June 8th

well said, mi hermana

mood: smile

Mariana - "Step aside you silly girl" says:
indeed, that the whole point of boys
! be fabulous ! says:
that's why i keep brandon around!
Mariana - "Step aside you silly girl" says:
not companion ship, or love, or sense of inner peace, not fun, or friendship, no its ally about the they can lift heavy stuff
Sam on 06.08.06 @ 07:47 PM MST [link]

Wednesday, June 7th

Even when your faith is gone, move along, move along like I know you do.

music: AAR -- "Move Along"
mood: big grin Happy!

Loads of photos have been posted ... last day of school photos under the Linfield folder and then a new folder for summer. There are some pics from Memorial Day and then the trip to Tuscon. Unfortunately there are only a few from the wedding because my batteries died! Gosh! lol And my extras were in the car, go figure. razz Anyway, Alicia is supposed to be sending me the photos via CD soon, so I'll post those then! It was a small, but very personal and very beautiful cerimony! My twin is a MRS!! smile smile smile

big grin

Life is good.
I joined 24 hour fitness.
It's great. smile
I love working out!!

And what else? Oh ... I'm hoping to go to the lake on Saturday. Joy and Skyler get married that evening. I think Brandon wants to go to 4xing on Sunday -- we'll see. I want to go to church first though.

Anyway, that's all. smile I'm gonna go take a bath, methinks! <33
Sam on 06.07.06 @ 08:46 PM MST [link]

Thursday, June 1st

Have been out, will be out.

music: "Abide With Me Tis Eventide"
mood: cool eh? strangely excited

So ... at one point, I thought that spending 40 hours in a car over the course of 3 1/2 days seemed like a really good idea ... now, I'm just waiting for Brandon and Whitney to show up ... and it doesn't seem like as good of an idea. And yet, I'm strangely excited! smile Mainly for what will be in Tucson ... well, rather WHO will be in Tucson, but you know what? It'll be good regardless! Who cares that it's 6:00 and we're still not on the road and we have to go roughly 8 hours tonight? lol It makes it more of an adventure this way. wink

Anyway, it should be a really good trip and bottom line is that I'm excited! And no matter ho awful 40 hours in a car will be ... witnessing Cristina and Alex's marriage will make it all worth it! And even though we'll only be in Tucson for roughly ... well ... probably 6 hours max ... lol ... it will be a great trip! Full of adventure, I'm sure. My life always is. wink And even if it isn't, at least we'll have a good story to tell at the end of it all.

In other news, Monday night I'm going to the gym for my free 2 week trial membership (24 hour fitness) and at that point I will talk to them about what they offer as far as short (short ==> 2 months) membership and possibly reduced prices. smile

I've worked 3 full days at Rehab Medicine and I've caught on pretty quickly. I still double check a lot of things I do, but that's because it's only been three days of actually being a front desk girl. lol It's fun though. Today was pretty busy, thank heavens! Yesterday afternoon I thought I'd surely die of boredom. lol Next Friday ought to be a treat. wink

It's good to be home, but at the same time, it's weird. It was good to leave, but at the same time ... quite bittersweet. I left Linfield on a weird note this year -- feeling quite disconnected from a lot of people, which is never good ... but at the same time, I hardly felt super connected to people all the while I was there this semester. Needless to say, I am still adjusting to Uni life in the States -- which certainly does not mean that I had a horrible spring semester ... it just means that there's a rift between me and some of the people I love most and because there's no difinitive answer as to what caused it (other than 6000 miles), there's really no way to sit down and fix it. We'll see what happens this summer, I guess. It will definitely be good to go back in August with a clean slate and meet people from the beginning! Can't believe I only have 6 months till graduation! Sheesh!! crazy

What else? Uhh, summer term starts on 19/6 ... so just under 3 weeks of no classes. Then life will be back to hectic. 40 hours/week at work + 7 credits (2 courses) online + Brandon + friends + camping + lake + 4xing sleep + gym (or running, but hopefully gym. lol) = madness. lol It will be good though!! smile

Anyhoo, that is all for now. Brandon and Whitney should be here in about 10 minutes.

Loveeeeeee
Sam on 06.01.06 @ 06:10 PM MST [link]